Recent History
by ikuzonos
Summary: Injured and discharged from Fenrir, Mukuro Ikusaba must adjust to a normal life in Kyoto. But it's not easy for her to get used to this, especially with the loneliness hanging over her complex. She's got mysteries to solve, and she's going to start by figuring out what the deal is with the cat that lives next door. (Mukuro/Sayaka, Non despair AU, written in April 2016)


Warm sunlight streams through the open window, bathing the apartment in heat. She can feel the warmth before she opens her eyes, feel the hairs on her arm prick as they make contact with the light.

Her eyes blink open carefully. There she is, curled up comfortably in a one bedroom apartment. She shouldn't be lying here, not this late and not this content.

Some gut instinct says she should be outside before the sun comes up, hitting the dirt with all she has, not lying down in a soft bed.

Her eyes drift across the room, and land on it. Her reminder of why she cannot be out training, why she's still warm in bed so late in the morning.

The crutch.

She hates it. It's the one thing that proves that she is weak, that she cannot be like the others. It proves that she's not a soldier, just a civilian with a leg that will never heal.

She's no longer comfortable. The soft bed now feels like it's made of rocks, and she begrudgingly reaches for her crutch, and gets up.

It's in that moment that the apartment goes cold, and she shudders. She half wishes she could go out and train like a normal day, and half wishes she could crawl back into bed and forget.

Forget that she is weak.

She drifts idly to her kitchen counter, quietly wishing she had a table. The large counter works fine, but the stools around it are tipsy, and she'd love to eat a meal without feeling sick.

It's not like she eats much. Her cooking is awful, besides when she hears her old basic rations, and that's something that almost nobody could mess up.

She settles in the least wobbly stool she has, and puts her elbows down on the counter, tired eyes blinking awake. She's gone soft, and she's only been in this apartment for a week.

It had been the loneliest week of her life.

Sure, she'd had Junko when she first moved in, and she would wave a small hello to the doorman when she entered the lobby, but that was it. She'd never spoken to her neighbours, hell, she'd never even _seen_ them.

That excluded the cat, of course. There was a cat that belonged to one of her neighbours that would leap into her balcony, and try to get inside. She'd never payed much mind to the cat, and simply picked it up and placed it back on her neighbour's balcony.

The cat was the only sign of life she ever saw from that apartment, and it made her curious, but not enough that she'd poke into it. It seemed interesting that the cat seemingly had no owner, but was very well fed. She'd wondered on more than one occasion if there was actually anyone there, but she'd never been bored enough to find out.

Besides, she doubted that cats could own apartments anyway.

She sighs, and slides the lone piece of paper on the counter towards her. It's a morning ritual, to check that the apartment still belongs to her, that the name _Mukuro Ikusaba_ is still written in pen at the bottom.

Her eyes slide to the digital clock on her stove. It's only 8:30, but she feels like she's been sitting there for a long time.

A familiar scratching noise catches her attention, and Mukuro turns her head to look at the sliding glass door. Sure enough, the black and white cat is clawing to get inside.

Mukuro stands slowly, and limps towards the door, temporarily foregoing her crutch, and opens the door.

The cat hisses, and tries to dart inside, but Mukuro scoops it up in her arms, and carries it back outside.

It's a beautiful morning, and Mukuro wishes that her balcony overlooked something nicer than an empty lot. The sky is pretty though, and that makes her feel a bit better.

The cat squirms in her arms, and Mukuro rolls her eyes. With all her effort, she leans over the wood railing, and gently drops the cat on its own balcony. It looks at her for a couple seconds, then disappears behind the lavender curtains that mysteriously surround the other balcony.

Mukuro wonders briefly why her neighbour is so secretive, but then shrugs. Her neighbour on the other side has shoji screens that prevent her from seeing in, and high trellises to grow flowers all around.

As she steps back inside, she hears the familiar thwap of the newspaper landing outside her apartment.

Mukuro opens her door and grabs the paper, then looks from side to side but sees nobody. It's almost as if she's the only one here, but that cat has to belong to _someone._

Mukuro wishes she believed in the supernatural. A haunted apartment would almost make sense at this point, and if she wasn't such a rational thinker she might believe it.

She heads back inside. Maybe now she's desperate enough to call her sister.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'easy recipes', 'dealing with unwanted feelings of loneliness', 'how to cook rice in the oven,' 'how to remove burned rice from a casserole dish')

* * *

She wakes in the morning, the taste of burnt rice still filling her mouth. She isn't quite sure what she did wrong, but she doesn't care enough to try something like that again.

Maybe she'll find a nice takeout place.

Mukuro slowly stands, and walks into her kitchen. She flicks on her radio, and the gentle noise helps wake her up.

She's gotten lazy, ever since Fenrir discharged her. Truthfully, Mukuro hardly knows what to do with herself, now that she isn't constantly listening for a command.

 _I need a job._

While most jobs don't have orders being barked at you constantly, she'd have no problem finding that in retail. It's one of the few similarities that the outside world has with her time in Fenrir.

Loud clawing distracts her, and Mukuro turns to see the cat hissing at her door again. She sighs, and walks over, sliding the door open. Instead of rushing inside this time, the cat looks up at her with sad little eyes, and makes a sudden pitiful mewing noise.

"Oh no you don't," Mukuro says, and picks the cat up. It squirms and turns to stare at her, eyes widening.

Mukuro almost feels sorry for it, but shakes her head and carries the cat back outside. The cat certainly looks well fed, so there's no reason for it to be going around and begging.

"Unless…" Mukuro whispers aloud. She looks down at the cat, and says, "Are you pregnant? Because then you'd most definitely be hungry, wouldn't you?"

The cat meows in response.

Mukuro says, "I don't have anything I can give you now. Come back tomorrow."

She puts the cat back on the other balcony. It turns to stare at her one last time, before disappearing behind the curtains.

Mukuro sighs quietly, and looks out across at the horizon. For a moment, it seems as if somebody is singing, but it's just the radio.

She heads back into her kitchen, just as the song ends.

"And that was 'Monochrome Answer,' Sayaka Maizono's new hit single! We'll be right back after these messages!"

An image of the singer flashes in Mukuro's mind. Everyone's heard of her, she's practically a household name. Mukuro's never really cared. Autotuned celebrities were always Junko's thing.

The noise of the radio becomes an ad, and Mukuro flips off it off again. Silence fills the room, but she swears she can still hear someone singing.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'job openings in kyoto', 'applying for a job in retail', 'how to bag groceries', 'can cats own apartments', 'where to buy cat treats')

* * *

Bagging groceries is tedious and boring, but it gives Mukuro one more paycheck than she had beforehand. Plus, it means she won't have to beg Junko for money in a month, and that's something she wants to avoid at all costs. Her sister already volunteered to pay her rent, so the least Mukuro can do is not need any more.

It's not that charity is foreign to her, but she'd feel bad if she had to shake her family down for money constantly.

So she simply stands behind a counter, asks, "Paper or plastic?" And bags every single item that comes her way.

The customers are irritating, but they can't see her bad leg, see the crutch leaning against the back of the counter.

It hurts so badly, for her to stand for so damn long, but she needs it. She needs to feel useful for once.

Mukuro got discharged nearly a month ago, and only now is she finally doing something. It's not anything worthwhile, it's the mediocre job of bagging groceries in a supermarket.

But someone has to do it, so it may as well be her, may as well be someone who failed so badly that she limps everywhere she goes.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'does working in retail ever get better', 'how to deal with mouthy old ladies', 'how to cook chicken', 'cheap ramen stands')

* * *

Late that evening, Mukuro sits on her balcony, a book in her hands, and a steaming bowl of ramen sitting on the railing.

Perhaps thing will get better now. Maybe she'll be less lonely, maybe she'll find some kind of purpose. She can't really imagine what kind of purpose one would find while bagging groceries, but there's something out there for everyone, right?

A meow brings her back to the present, and Mukuro looks up to see the cat again. She frowns, and tries to go back to reading, but the cat meows again, louder this time.

"Don't you have an owner?" Mukuro asks. The cat doesn't respond, and flicks its tail.

Every time she looks down at her book, the infernal meowing gets louder and louder. Eventually, Mukuro slams it shut, and glares at the cat.

They stare in silence for several minutes, before the cat suddenly runs behind the curtains, back into it's own apartment.

Mukuro rolls her eyes, but decides to take a cue from the cat. It's getting dark, and she's still not done her dinner.

She grabs the ramen, heading back into her kitchen, and settling on the least shaky stool, eating and reading at the same time.

Before she knows it, it's way too late, and she needs to go to sleep. She can hardly keep her eyes open, and she must rest. She has to work tomorrow morning.

She falls asleep at the counter, head face down on the cold imitation marble.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'how dooertyryvbggggggggeeeeeeennnnnnnnsadsfd')

* * *

Even though she went to sleep way too late last night, Mukuro is wide awake several hours earlier than usual. The sun is just peaking over the horizon now. It's a nice change, and it reminds her of when she was in Fenrir.

It's still not as early as those days, but she's getting better.

She grabs her book, ready to continue reading, when she gets an idea. Yesterday after work, she'd gone shopping, and picked up some cat treats for the rascal next door. She hadn't remembered last night, but now seemed like an opportune time to get to know the cat better.

After all, the cat could actually be the only one living in that apartment.

Mukuro walked out onto her balcony, plastic bag of cat treats in hand. She'd wait until the cat approached her, and then she'd lay a few out for it.

Until then, she sits in the worn lounge chair, and reads.

A soft noise grabs her attention a couple hours later. Sure enough, the cat is perched on the balcony, a confused look on its face. Usually, it has to wait for Mukuro to arrive, but today she's early.

Mukuro grabs the bag, and shakes it. The cat's eyes light up, and it jumps down onto Mukuro's balcony, and rushes up, a rusty purr coming out.

She reaches into the bag, and hands the cat a couple treats. It wolfs them down happily, then rubs her legs, clearly begging for more.

"Come back tomorrow," Mukuro says.

The cat stares at her, and Mukuro has to leave before she gives in to it's cute amber eyes.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'haunted apartments in kyoto', 'kyoto hauntings', 'i think my neighbour is actually a cat', 'nobody lives in my apartment complex besides me and a cat', 'how to make a salad')

* * *

There are a couple plants coming up in the flower box on her balcony. They're more likely weeds than anything of value, but Mukuro begins watering them all the same. Maybe soon she'll see the flowers pop up, see something beautiful that she has somehow created.

It becomes a routine. Wake up right before sunrise, water the plants, feed the mysterious cat. The cat, who is still the only sign of life coming from the apartment next to her's.

Maybe it's time that Mukuro starts buying actual cat food, just in case.

Even at work, she's made no friends. The cashiers are moody, and the customers are temperamental. Escaping the work day is almost becoming her daily goal, and it's almost frightening.

The closest thing to a friend she's had since she's moved in, is the damn cat.

So it's only natural that she starts to greet the cat whenever she hears the curtains shuffling. Mukuro usually get a soft meow for a reply. She'll smile, and shake the bag of treats, and the cat will rush over to wherever she's standing, eyes alight.

Mukuro will stroke the cat gently, and it will purr in turn. It is the way of things. Then when the cat finishes, it will head back home, and Mukuro will say, "See you tomorrow."

The cat will meow, then disappear behind the curtains. Mukuro will go to work, and she will see not hide nor hair of the cat until the next morning. It is the way of things.

"Good morning," Mukuro greets when she hears the curtains stir, not even bothering to turn around.

"Eek!"

 _That_ is not the noise the cat makes, and Mukuro frowns. When she turns around, she nearly jumps out of her skin.

There is a person standing on the other balcony.

In some ways, it's a relief. The apartment to her left isn't haunted, and the cat does not rent it. On the other hand, who is this person, and why as Mukuro not so much as heard them before now?

She studies her neighbour carefully and quickly, trying to take in as many details as possible.

Her neighbour is a young woman around her own age, but they look vastly different. She has long blue hair tied in a loose ponytail, and her skin looks so pale it's almost frightening.

While Mukuro's skin is pale, her neighbour looks like a doll.

Her neighbour quakes, "Who… Who are you?"

It occurs to Mukuro that this person has not seen her at all either, so she quickly makes an introduction, "Ah, sorry. Mukuro Ikusaba. I've been living here for nearly a month now."

Her neighbour gasps, "Oh, I'm so sorry I haven't been around! If I was I swear I would have helped you settle in!"

Mukuro says, "It's fine. It's just nice to know that someone does indeed live there. What's your name?"

"Ah- Shizuka Miki," she greets, "I look forward to getting to know you!"

Something about Shizuka seems strange, but Mukuro isn't about to call her out. Besides, it's almost pleasant having human contact for once.

Mukuro nods, and continues watering her plants. It looks as if there may be an actual flower mixed in with all the weeds, and she wonders if her work will pay off.

Suddenly, she thinks of something.

"Miki-san, is your cat pregnant? Or perhaps not getting enough to eat?"

Shizuka frowns, "No, and she's very healthy. Wait, how do you know I have a cat?"

Mukuro replies, "Because she comes to see me every morning. Ever since I moved in, she always greets me in the morning. I started buying cat treats because of her."

Shizuka turns her head, "Momo-chan! Have you been bothering Ikusaba-san?"

"Momo-chan?" Mukuro asks.

Shizuka leans down, then reappears with the monochrome cat in her arms, "Momoka. I've had her for a couple years now, and she always mooches off of my neighbours. That's why I put up this curtain, to see if she'd stop."

Mukuro's gaze drifts to the curtains, realizing just now that they have been pulled back from their usual spots.

Shizuka scratches Momoka's ears, and the cat purrs in response. Mukuro takes a moment to look at her again, look at how her blue hair frames her face, or how it falls down her back. Her small frame, and hairclips that barely keep the locks from falling in her eyes.

Shizuka is beautiful, Mukuro can't deny it. Even if she looks a little bit too pale, like she's faking her something, she's still beautiful.

Junko has introduced her to plenty of the models in her industry, plenty of women who fake everything about themselves, from their looks to their personalities. They were all the same, like carbon copies that descending from the same strand of mutated DNA.

Shizuka… is real.

Mukuro's watch beeps, and she looks down at her wrist. She sighs, "I have to get ready for work. Nice meeting you."

"I have to get to the studio myself. Nice meeting you as well!" Shizuka says. And then she smiles, and Mukuro swears she feels her heart skip a beat.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'my neighbour is really cute what do i do', 'how do i ignore gay thoughts', 'how to talk to somebody cute,' 'how to clean burned meat out of a pan')

* * *

It's nothing.

She is simply overreacting, that's what she tells herself. She's not in love, she doesn't have a crush. All she's doing is projecting old feelings onto a new person.

But as much as she tells herself to ignore it, she can still feel something bubbling up in her chest when she thinks about Shizuka and her smile.

Mukuro tightens her muscles and bags with more force than necessary. She'll get over it in a matter of days. Besides, it's not like she'll ever see Shizuka again, not with her track record. No, it will just be Mukuro and Momoka, and the blue haired woman will disappear.

She rips five bags within two hours.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'how to talk to girls', 'kyoto takeout', 'how to form bonds with humans', 'getting stains out of white shirts')

* * *

Sure enough, Shizuka is not present the next morning. Something deflates in Mukuro's chest, but at the same time, she feels relieved.

Momoka is there though, purring and begging for a treat.

Mukuro idly strokes the cat, while losing herself in her thoughts.

She needs to buckle down and focus on working, focus on her job. She'll never do anything if she fails at being a grocery bagger, and that's not a job she wants to have for the rest of her life.

Just because she needs a crutch to walk, doesn't mean she's completely out of the running for the real world.

Before she forgets, Mukuro tosses some water on her plants, then says to the cat, "Go home."

Momoka meows at her, but scampers along the railing and jumps back onto her own balcony.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'how to get a better job', 'how to get job references when your friends are your sister and a cat', 'cheap takeout kyoto', 'ways to save money')

* * *

When she's not working, Mukuro takes to wandering around town. There is a small market place that runs during the evenings, and she begins spending her time browsing in there. Everything is too expensive for her to afford, but it's nice to look at.

It's better than coming home to an empty apartment.

The market is loud, and the people are plentiful. Still, it's nice to know that she's not stuck in a loop with no human contact. Her neighbours are an enigma, their schedules confusing.

Even though she finally came in contact with Shizuka, Mukuro notices that she still hasn't seen any of her other neighbours, not even the balcony to her right with the shoji screens.

The loudness of the market is a fair tradeoff for the people.

But when it gets dark, Mukuro traipses back home, back to a silent apartment in the middle of the city.

It goes like this for days at a time, it becomes the way of things. But no matter what she does, all Mukuro feels is an incredible increase of loneliness. She has nothing, and no one to talk to. Unless you count Momoka, but cats could only offer limited amounts of comfort. No, Mukuro needs a person, someone she can spill her guts to and not regret it.

She selfishly yearns for Shizuka to come back.

But she won't, Mukuro knows she won't. Meeting her was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and she feels like she wasted it.

Shizuka probably doesn't care. She's probably forgotten that Mukuro even exists. She went back to her life, back to whatever things she did before.

Why would she care? Mukuro is nothing and no one, no one but an injured soldier who can't seem to make something of her new life.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'loneliness', 'making friends', 'how to talk to strangers', 'places to adopt cats kyoto')

* * *

It's three in the morning, and Mukuro cannot sleep. She lies awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, and feeling so tired, but still not able to sleep.

She wants to cry.

How long has she been living here? She can't remember at all. The days blur into weeks which blur into months. She wishes she could remember, but everything is foggy.

Death has never sounded more appealing until now.

The world is foggy, her life is dull and mindless, and she can't escape these crushing feelings inside of her.

Mukuro was never lonely as a child. She had Junko, she always had her. They were never apart, and even if they didn't always get along, at the least they had each other.

In Fenrir, there were so many other soldiers that Mukuro could never feel lonely. She had acquaintances there too, not friends, but people she could spend her time with.

But here, all she has is a cat, and the ghost Shizuka Miki.

Is she desperate yet? Not quite yet. When she gets desperate, she will break down and call her sister, but she can't do it now. She has to try and be strong, try to keep the weak out of her.

She has to try, and maybe trying too hard is how she finds herself sitting on the balcony railing, doing everything she can not to cry.

She could jump, and nobody would miss her. Her manager at work would hire another bagger, her sister would mourn but snap back in a matter of days, and nobody else would ever notice.

"Meow?"

Mukuro turns her head, and in a matter of seconds, tears prick from her eyes. Momoka is standing on her railing, staring up at her with sad eyes. She stretches out her arm, but the cat is just out of reach.

Momoka takes a step back, and for one terrible moment, Mukuro fears that the cat is going to fall. If anything ever happened to her cat, Mukuro is sure that Shizuka would kill the perpetrator herself.

But Momoka doesn't fall. Instead, she jumps down onto Mukuro's balcony, then looks up at her. Tears still slipping from her eyes, she carefully swings her legs back over the railing, and settles down in her worn down lawn chair.

Momoka leaps up into her lap, and begins to purr ruggedly. Mukuro grabs her, and holds the cat close to her, trying oh so desperately not to cry, but it isn't working in the slightest. Momoka doesn't make any noise besides her rhythmic purring, something Mukuro is grateful for.

She wants to spill all her secrets, spill them to someone who can never tell anyone, but part of her wants her secrets to go everywhere, so she can be bloody and broken. She wants to be hurt, but at the same time, she wants to be whole.

Mukuro settles for holding the cat in silence, listening for the birds, and watching for the sunrise. She sits there, Momoka in her lap, for hours. Her eyes begin to dry, and her thoughts become more rational. The whisper of death still hangs over her head, but not as strongly. Perhaps it will burn off in the sunlight, perhaps it will grow stronger.

All she can do it beg for the strength to breathe.

Mukuro sits there, when a soft voice breaks her out of her trance.

"Ikusaba-san?"

She looks up, and nearly gasps. Shizuka is there, her blue hair loose down her back. Her head is tilted in confusion, another question halfway to her mouth but lost in her eyes.

Mukuro replies, "Good morning, Miki-san."

Shizuka says, "Good morning. I'm so sorry, has Momo-chan been a bother to you?"

"Nothing of the sort," Mukuro says, "In fact, she's very welcome."

Shizuka smiles, and Mukuro feels her chest lift, "I haven't seen you lately. How have you been?"

It's not an invitation to spill her guts, she knows it isn't. Mukuro takes a deep breath before speaking, "Alright, I suppose. I was wondering what happened to you, actually."

Shizuka says, "I'm still around. I just have such long hours at the studio, so I'm only home very early in the morning, and very late at night."

That's the second time that Shizuka has used the word studio when discussing her occupation. There are several kinds of studios, and Mukuro runs them through her head.

She could be a model, she certainly has the looks for it. But every model that Junko has introduced to her has been snobby, while Shizuka seems almost humble. Perhaps someone who works with models then?

 _A photographer?_

Part of her wants to ask, but a stronger part begs her to stay silent.

She argues with herself in silence, until her watch beeps. Momoka looks up in surprise, then climbs off her lap and jumps back onto Shizuka's railing with one fluid motion.

"I guess you have to go?" Shizuka asks.

Mukuro nods, and slowly gets to her feet, lightly dragging her bad leg, "I do. Don't you?"

Shizuka replies, "Actually, I have the day off for once. I can't really go out anywhere, so I'll be here all day."

"That's too bad," Mukuro says, "I get off around 4, so perhaps I'll see you then?"

Before she can berate herself this this - why would Shizuka want to talk to _her?_ \- the blue haired woman smiles, "I'd love to!"

Mukuro offers a small smile herself, "Okay, see you."

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'things to talk about', 'interests you can pretend to have', 'dealing with intrusive thoughts', 'why does my emotional state depend on if i can talk to people', 'am i pathetic')

* * *

After work, Mukuro dawdles when she approaches her door. She's been thinking about things all day, and internally cursing herself for how weak she'd been that morning.

She prays that those negative feelings are going to go away, but what if they don't? What will she do then?

She's been standing outside her door blankly for ten minutes, when she finally reaches into her pocket and pulls out her key with shaky hands.

It takes a few tries to get it into the lock, but she manages to do it. As soon as she gets inside, she nearly collapses against the door, so tired and so ready for the sweet release of dreams.

 _Not yet,_ she manages to think, _You've got to be strong._

Mukuro carefully gets to her feet, grasping desperately for her crutch.

She limps across towards the glass door, then stops at the last second. Mukuro retreats into her room, snatches her camera, and heads back outside. Now she can at least try to engage Shizuka in what could be her occupation.

The neighbouring balcony is empty when Mukuro steps outside, but the curtains are tucked back, and she can smell something wonderful coming from inside.

She holds her camera up to the sky, and waits, wondering if Shizuka will step out. She does in a matter of moments, Momoka in her arms.

"Hi!" Shizuka says, "I didn't know you were a photographer."

She doesn't say _'too'_ Mukuro notices. Maybe she's not a photographer then.

"Not really," Mukuro says, "I just like taking pictures. Do you?"

Shizuka shrugs, and Momoka squirms in her arms. She narrows her eyes at the cat, then says, "Nah, I've never liked it much. Cameras in general make me jumpy."

 _Hm. Does the media like to trouble her then? I almost wish I was more in tune with pop culture…_

"Something smells nice," Mukuro quickly cuts in, trying to break the silence, "Are you cooking?"

Shizuka nods, "I love cooking, actually. I don't get a lot of time to do it, so I always make the most of it when I do."

Mukuro thinks about her own misadventures at cooking and represses a grimace.

Shizuka adds, "By the way, do you want to come over for dinner? I think I've made a bit too much, honestly."

Mukuro's eyes widen, and she feels her heart quicken, "W-Would you be okay with that?"

"Of course!" Shizuka says, "Do you like kinpira gobo?"

Mukuro's stomach grumbles. Shizuka giggles, "I'll take that as a yes. Do you want to just climb over the railing? It might be easier than going all the way around."

Mukuro opens her mouth, about to say yes, then looks down at her leg. That morning on the railing, she'd been in horrible pain, and had hardly been able to swing her hurt leg over the railing twice.

"I… don't know. I might not be able to," she says at last.

Shizuka says, "I've noticed that you limp a bit, but I didn't realize it was that bad…"

Mukuro shrugs, "I usually have a crutch. The balcony is just so small, so I don't usually bother to bring it with me."

"What happened to you?" Shizuka responds, "If you don't mind me asking, of course."

"...I used to be a soldier," Mukuro says, "I was training in Fenrir, and I got injured very badly. Doctors did what they could, but I can never walk properly again."

Shizuka bites her lip, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories. Here, I'll go open the front-"

Mukuro cuts her off, "It's fine. I can probably get over, but it might take me a bit."

She shuffles towards the railing, and carefully swings her injured leg upwards. Then, she moves her normal one, shifting her weight accordingly. There's a bit of space between the two balconies, and she takes a moment to rest. Then, she swings her leg upwards, reaching out to Shizuka's railing.

Shizuka grabs Mukuro's hands, Momoka no longer in the vicinity, "Here, I got you!"

Mukuro feel butterflies fly in her chest, as Shizuka lifts her up off the railing, and onto her balcony.

 _She's… very strong._

"T-Thank you," Mukuro says.

Shizuka beams, "Come on in!"

Her kitchen is bright and lovely, and the apartment as a whole looks more lived in than Mukuro's does.

Shizuka also has a kitchen table, something that Mukuro needs to not only get, but find a place for. Not like she can afford it on her current pay, however.

"Sit down, I'll be done in just a moment!" Shizuka says, and hurries back to her stove.

Mukuro settles down at the small table set for two, and glances around. Shizuka's apartment is better kept than her own, and is furnished rather nicely.

She finds herself mindlessly tracing circles on her table, in awe of the nice place. Why does Shizuka want to share this with her?

There are several photographs lining the walls, and they all seem to depict the same group of girls. Shizuka is always at the centre, excluding the few she doesn't appear in.

They're all smiling, a couple holding microphones in a few of the photos. _A band?_ Mukuro thinks.

Shizuka places down some food on the table, snapping Mukuro out of her thoughts. She splits the kinpira gobo between them equally, and Mukuro eyes it.

She hasn't seen anything this delicious in ages, so when Shizuka sits down across from her, Mukuro hardly hesitates to grab the chopsticks and dig in.

After a bit, Mukuro says, "So, are you in a band?"

Shizuka blinks in surprise, then her eyes gravitate towards the photos on the walls, "I was a part of an idol group when I was younger. We never made it big though, so it's really all just memories now."

"That's too bad," Mukuro says, "I'd have liked to hear you sing."

Shizuka replies, "Maybe I will, some other time."

They eat in silence, then Shizuka says, "So, you were a soldier?"

Mukuro nods, "I never fought in anything. I trained, and then I got careless, which is how I ended up here."

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Shizuka says.

Mukuro shrugs, "It wasn't so bad."

 _I got to meet you_. She barely stops herself from saying that aloud.

"So what do you do now?" Shizuka asks.

Mukuro blushes, "I… I bag groceries,"

"Really?"

They make conversation for the rest of the meal, and Mukuro finds herself smiling a couple times. Here she is, eating dinner with the most beautiful girl she's ever seen.

They tell stories, they talk about nonsensical things. It makes Mukuro feel like she's going to overflow with joy, just being here.

Once everything is eaten and cleaned up, Mukuro says, "I best get out of your hair. Thank you very much for having me over."

Shizuka beams, "It was my pleasure! You're welcome anytime."

Slowly, Mukuro gets to her feet, prepared to stumble out, but Shizuka insists on putting an arm over her shoulder, and helping her out the door. When they reach Mukuro's apartment, she fumbles for her own key, then says, "Thank you again."

"Of course," Shizuka smiles, "See you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

Mukuro goes inside, waves to Shizuka one last time, then closes her door.

She's hopeless.

She tried so hard to deny it, but she's fallen for Shizuka, and there's no way for her to get back up.

Mukuro sits against her door for a few minutes, then reaches into her pocket, and against her better judgement, texts Junko.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Hey, Junko-chan?

Her phone buzzes a few minutes later.

 **Junko-chan:** yo sis whats up

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Do you mind if I ask you a strange question?

 **Junko-chan:** go for ittttt

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Have you ever met or heard of anyone named Shizuka Miki?

 **Junko-chan:** never in my life

 **Junko-chan:** y?

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** No reason. Thank you.

 **Junko-chan:** np

She sighs. This could take longer than she thought.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'Shizuka Miki', 'idol groups in japan', 'Shizuka Miki idol', 'do I have an obsession', 'what do I do if I have a crush on my neighbour')

* * *

Work is dull.

It always is, so Mukuro doesn't really know why she's surprised. All she does is bag item after item, and it never gets any easier. Perhaps it will someday, but today is not that day, not when cranky old ladies are complaining about her speed.

She looks up, in the one moment she has before the next customer arrives, to see an unfamiliar face at the next till, bagging away. His hair is messy, and has a pointy spike at the top.

For some reason, he's grinning. Mukuro can only stop to wonder for one moment, before a middle aged couple and their screaming kids arrive in their lane, and she has to grit her teeth before she screams.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'it is legal to kill children', 'i'm sorry police officers reading my search history it wasn't a serious inquiry', 'please don't arrest me')

* * *

Like usual, she sits alone in the break room. The others ignore her, too busy caught up with each other, or in Celeste's case, with themselves. Mukuro knows she shouldn't be so quick to judge her co-workers, but she's _sick_ of them and hardly knows a thing about any of them.

"Um, excuse me?"

She glances up, to see the messy haired boy standing by her table with a shy grin on his face, "Do you mind if I sit down?"

Mukuro shrugs, "Go for it."

His face lights up, "Thanks! There wasn't any space at the other tables… and I get the sense that these guys don't like me."

"They don't like me either," Mukuro says, "I think it's new workers in general that they dislike."

"Huh, I wonder why, " the boy says, "By the way, I didn't get your name. I'm Makoto Naegi!"

Mukuro glances at him out of the corner of her eye, then says, "Mukuro Ikusaba. Nice to meet you."

Makoto takes that as an invitation to start talking. He chatters all about his sister, about how he ended up here, as if he doesn't have a care in the world. As if Mukuro isn't a complete stranger to him.

At the same time however, it's comforting. The idea of having someone trust her this much is something she hasn't felt in a while.

 _Perhaps… We could be friends?_

Mukuro's never really had any friends. Maybe if she tries, she can keep this bond from falling apart.

She'll try.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'being friends with people', 'avoiding awkward conversations', 'making small talk', 'i think i'm fattening up my crush's cat')

* * *

Mukuro's phone won't stop buzzing. She wonders if she should just turn it off, but her curiosity gets the better of her. She clicks on her phone, then scowls. Five new messages, all from her sister.

 **Junko-chan:** hey muku-chan

 **Junko-chan:** i gotta question for you

 **Junko-chan:** muku-chan answer me

 **Junko-chan:** ANSWER US YOU PEASANT

 **Junko-chan:** I'M FUCKING SICK N TIRED OF THIS

Mukuro sighs quietly, then types back a reply.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I'm sorry, I was at work. What's up?

 **Junko-chan:** oh so ur not dead

 **Junko-chan:** k so i wanted to ask when u were gonna have me over

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I'm sorry?

 **Junko-chan:** well like u moved in ages ago and i still havent come 4 dinner

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I hadn't realized that you wanted to visit.

 **Junko-chan:** Of course I want to visit. It would be atrocious behaviour on my part if I did not want to meet with you again. Thusly, it would be atrocious behaviour on your part if you were to decline this opportunity.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Does tomorrow at seven work for you?

 **Junko-chan:** … I guess. Not like anything matters anyways…

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I'll take that as a yes. See you then.

 **Junko-chan:** k! ttyl!

Mukuro rolls her eyes, her sister's rapidly changing personality coming across far too well in her texts.

She opens her internet browser and searches for recipes, something that would be easy to make, but would still be able to impress Junko.

Eventually, she caves. She can't fry, or sear, or bake, or anything. All of these are marked easy recipes, but Mukuro thinks that a three cheese quiche (whatever that is) doesn't count.

She scribbles down a note, then limps outside, and leaves it on Shizuka's balcony. The possible threat of a windstorm blowing the note away alarms her, and she snatches a couple pebbles from her flower box and sprinkles them on top of the note.

Mukuro looks back at her flower box and sighs. She was taking such good care of it, but the flowers refuse to bloom.

She considers stopping, she didn't get into Fenrir with gardening skills, but something compels her to keep watering the flowers.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'what is a quiche', 'how do you make a quiche', 'why are quiches considered simple to make', 'is it pathetic to ask my neighbour for help')

* * *

One day and three burned pots of rice later, Mukuro hears a knock on the door.

She freezes on the spot. She still has three hours before Junko should be here, three hours before she has to unveil her disastrous attempt at cooking.

Maybe she can distract Junko long enough to call the curry place and ask for delivery.

But when Mukuro opens the door, someone else is standing before her, ingredients in her arms.

"Hi, Ikusaba-san!" Shizuka says, "Sorry I didn't get back to you right away, but I got out early today, and you said you needed help cooking for your sister."

Mukuro gapes, "T-Thank you so much!"

She steps away from the door, and Shizuka comes inside and drops the ingredients on the counter.

"What have you got done so far?" Shizuka asks.

Mukuro bites her lip, "I've… burned three pots of rice."

Shizuka raises an eyebrow, "How'd you do that? Never mind, I've got another idea. Can you cook pasta?"

"Possibly."

Shizuka says, "Can you boil water?"

Mukuro nods. That is something easy enough to do.

"Then you can make pasta. I'll help, just put a pot of boiling water on the stove."

Mukuro reaches into her cupboard, and snatches a large pot. She fills it with water, then puts it on the stove. In a matter of minutes, it is boiling away.

"Miki-san, the water-"

Shizuka dumps a fistful of pasta in the water, "Hope your sister likes spaghetti. I can make a mean sauce for it."

 _I don't remember Junko-chan being particularly picky in the past…_

They continue like this, Shizuka doing the bulk of the work, while Mukuro helps with small, almost meaningless tasks. Eventually, Shizuka switches off the stove, and says, "Well, I think you're good. Let me know how it all turns out!"

"W-Wouldn't you like to stay?" Mukuro blurts.

Shizuka shakes her head, "I've got things to do, and I wouldn't want to impose on your family. See you tomorrow!"

Mukuro waves, "See you tomorrow, then."

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'how do i ask someone to dinner', 'quick simple desserts', 'how to make a dessert without burning down your kitchen', 'how do i impress my sister with a meal i didn't make')

* * *

Junko arrives shortly after seven. Though, 'arrives' puts it gently. Rather, Junko bursts through her front door, chirping, "I've brought dessert!"

Mukuro can only sigh in relief, because she was considering running off to the nearest bakery in desperation. Instead, she smiles, and places the steaming pot of spaghetti on her counter, because she still doesn't own a table.

Junko slides in, jumps onto one of Mukuro's bar stools, and grins, "Oooh, are we eating western tonight?"

Mukuro nods, putting a bowl in front of each of them. She doesn't feel much like talking, she never really does around Junko. Her sister does enough chatter to cover the both of them.

Junko talks about her job, about her colleagues, about the gossip she encounters. Mukuro only listens and nods, having nothing she could contribute. She likes letting Junko be in control of the conversation. It's so much easier, especially because she doesn't have much she can say.

However, Junko turns these tides in a matter of moments, "Well hey, don't let me talk all night, Muku-chan! What's going on in your life?"

Mukuro says, "I bag groceries. That's all."

Junko rolls her eyes, "Please, I'm not stupid. Have you made any friends? Done anything interesting? Don't leave me in the goddamn fucking dark!"

Mukuro tenses, but forces herself not to recoil at Junko's words. Eventually, she says, "I… I made friends with my neighbour. And possibly one of my coworkers."

Junko beams. However, the smile seems different than Shizuka's. Rather, it seems harsh and forced.

Everything about Junko feels forced, if she's being honest. Even though they are twins, sometimes Mukuro feels like they aren't even related.

"Tell me about them! I'm all ears," Junko says.

So she talks. She tells her about Shizuka, and about Makoto, and she talks for quite a bit of time. Junko appears interested, but something in her eyes seems disinterested, or perhaps disappointed.

Eventually, Mukuro finishes, and Junko says, "Well, why didn't you invite your girlfriend to eat with us? I wanna meet her now."

Mukuro blinks, "I don't have a girlfriend."

"Really? Because just now, you were Miki-san this and Miki-san that," Junko replies.

"We're not-"

Junko smirks, "Oh, should I mark that down for unrequited?"

Mukuro looks away, "Shut up."

"If you insist," Junko says, "But hey, ask her out. From the way you talk about her she'd totally be into you."

"What if she's not?" Mukuro whispers quietly.

Junko replies, "Then you get to relish in the despair this rejection gives you."

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'define relish in despair', 'why is my sister doing this to me', 'easy recipes to impress good chefs', 'help')

* * *

After Junko goes home, Mukuro lies her face down on her counter, exhaustion setting in. As much as she loves her sister, being around her always makes her tired.

She still has to put away the leftover spaghetti, and finish cleaning up, but she just wants to rest.

Everything smells like either perfume, or tomatoes. It's absolutely disgusting, but she can't bring herself to move.

She falls asleep, face pressed down on the fake marble counter.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'jfdieielsmdhdurues')

* * *

Mukuro wakes early in the morning, the scent of perfume still lingering in the air. She slowly gets to her feet, and with a bit of effort, puts away the leftovers.

She still has to clean the kitchen and wash dishes, but she can do that after she gets home from work.

She limps outside, a container of water in her hands, and pours it onto her flower box. It appears that something is growing there, and perhaps it won't be a weed.

Mukuro glances over at Shizuka's apartment, and sighs. The curtains are surrounding the balcony, and they don't look as if they will move for a long time.

She sits down on her ratty lawn chair. Maybe Momoka will come to visit, and she'll feel less alone.

The cat doesn't appear, but the curtains suddenly fly open a couple hours later. Shizuka grins when she sees Mukuro.

"Good morning, Miki-san," Mukuro says.

Shizuka responds, "Morning! Stay there, I have something for you!"

Before Mukuro can say a word, Shizuka dives back into her apartment. She gets to her feet, and suddenly Shizuka appears outside again, a wrapped gift in hand.

"Can I just leap over here?"

Mukuro reaches out her hand in protest, but Shizuka is already standing on her railing, and jumping onto Mukuro's balcony in the next moment.

She lands, and presents the gift to Mukuro, "Open it!"

Mukuro takes it in her hands, and carefully removed the wrapping. A small smile falls upon her face, when she sees what she's been given.

Shizuka says, "It's a simple recipe book. It'll teach you how to make things like rice, and then it'll go on to teach you more complicated things!"

Mukuro says, "Thank you so much. I'm honoured."

Shizuka smiles. Then suddenly, she leans forwards, and pecks Mukuro on the cheek. Before Mukuro can even register the action, Shizuka's already leaped back onto her own balcony.

 _Did she just… kiss me?_

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'DO FRIENDS KISS EACH OTHER PLATONICALLY', 'HOW DO YOU KNOW IF A KISS IS ROMANTIC', 'A GIRL KISSED ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO')

* * *

She can't focus at work. Her head is spinning, and all she can think about is Shizuka. She rips bags, she puts watermelons on top of eggs.

She's stressed, and nervous, but also something else, something stronger.

 _Excitement?_

When she finally gets home that day, the first thing she does is pull out her phone. She needs an outsider's opinion on this matter.

Not Junko, Mukuro decides. As much as she loves her sister, this doesn't seem like something she could handle well. Unfortunately, Mukuro only has one other person in her phone.

 _Great._

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Naegi-kun, are you available?

 **Naegi-kun:** what's up Ikusaba-san? something happen?

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I need an opinion on something.

 **Naegi-kun:** hit me

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:**...Miki-san kissed me.

 **Naegi-kun:** wAIT REALLY

Mukuro sighs. This was a bad idea, she she shouldn't have said anything. Now Makoto had the wrong idea.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Not like that. It was just a peck on the cheek.

 **Naegi-kun:** okay but what if

 **Naegi-kun:** i mean i bet she likes you. ask her out

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** It could have been meant platonically…

 **Naegi-kun:** i'll bet you four thousand yen that it was romantic

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I'm good.

 **Naegi-kun:** ask her out! i know you can do it.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:**...Okay. But she's always working, so she's almost never around.

 **Naegi-kun:** well then the very next time you see her ask her

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** You're very persistent.

With a sigh, Mukuro clicks off her phone, and stares up at the ceiling. This opinion was a bad idea, and now she's getting the feeling that she screwed up.

 _I have to try… Naegi-kun wants me to to at least try…_

She regrets her next decision before she even finishes making it.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Junko-chan, how do I ask someone out?

 **Junko-chan:** well Well well I thought u'd never ask!

She takes Junko's advice, it's the only thing she can think of to do. Junko has always been there for her, always willing to help her, and thus she has to listen.

With a plan in mind, Mukuro limps out on her balcony, awaiting Shizuka.

She waits.

And waits.

And waits.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'it's been three days', 'this was not the plan')

* * *

Three days, then a week, then a whole month go by without any signs of Shizuka.

Momoka still visits, every morning. But it's not the same, because Mukuro gets the sinking feeling in her stomach every time the day goes by without a sighting of her neighbour.

Perhaps she realized that trying to her know was a mistake. That soon her shy greetings would become cold glares. That was how it worked in Fenrir.

Mukuro follows her routine in the morning, but Shizuka never appears, and maybe she never will again. Perhaps their connection was fleeting, and it wasn't fate.

(She wanted it to be fate.)

It becomes loneliness again. So much that her apartment is suffocating, that she forces herself to be outside, around people, that she enjoys going to work and dealing with shitty customers.

Makoto is there, and even if they can't talk, they smile at each other when their eyes meet. Or rather, Makoto smiles. Mukuro simply nods at him.

She's making a human connection, she's working through her issues, but she still dreads coming home to her dark, freezing apartment.

Mukuro can't help it. Despite having a friend around her, the person she wants to see the most _just isn't there._ She feels selfish and cruel, but she yearns to see Shizuka again.

She's not desperate, she won't say that, but the idea of never seeing her again just makes her want to cry.

And she doesn't cry.

(She wants to.)

Mukuro will merely sit in silence on a ratty lawn chair, stroking a fat cat who does nothing but pure. And she'll look over the railing towards the ground, and something in her will beg her, beg her to fall.

But she doesn't give in.

(She wants to.)

It's early one morning when these feelings are the strongest. When everything feels numb, and her head feels heavy.

Mukuro huddles herself the corner of the porch, looking at the shoji screens that block the porch on the right.

She wants to jump, but she wants to breathe, and now she's battling with herself to figure out which impulse is stronger.

That's when she hears the noise. It comes from the shoji screened apartment, the one that has never ever shown any kind of life. But here she is, witness to this event.

Mukuro watches in silence, when suddenly she sees them. A person with a beautiful little wave of golden brown hair, and a soft smile. They hold up a watering can, pouring water onto what must be thirsty plants.

Mukuro waits, wondering if they will speak. Whoever they are, clad in a soft green dress, they look so _happy._

(How dare they.)

They don't say a word, they merely lower their head, and suddenly they're gone. It's almost as if nobody was ever there at all, but Mukuro remembers.

And it makes her decision. She is strong, and she will fight back. She will make friends with her neighbour, and with the moody cashiers, and the emotionless manager who always wears gloves.

She will get better.

She has to try.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'how to get better')

* * *

By the time she sees Shizuka next, she's nearly forgotten about her promise to Makoto. But it all comes flooding back the instant she sees the bright eyes, and blue hair.

"Good morning, Ikusaba-san!" Shizuka greets.

Mukuro waves, "Hello. How have you been?"

Shizuka sighs, "Very busy. I finally got a day off though, so I can catch up on my sleep."

 _A day off…_

Now is her chance. Her chance to ask the question that's been burning in her mind for over a month.

"Ah, Miki-san?"

Her voice catches, and she curses silently.

Shizuka says, "What is it?"

Mukuro swallows, "I was, er I was wondering…"

"Yes?" Shizuka prompts.

"Would you go to dinner with me t-tonight?" Mukuro chokes out.

Shizuka's eyes light up, "I'd love-" Then she freezes.

Mukuro braces herself for rejection, so she can ( _relish in her own despair_ ) take the pain easier.

Shizuka clears her throat, "I really want to have dinner with you, I really do."

"But?" Mukuro says, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

Shizuka replies, "I can't be seen in restaurants. I'm sorry, I know that sounds ridiculous, but…" she trails off.

"Okay," Mukuro says. It's a gentler let down than she'd expected. Something in her chest tightens, but she doesn't say anything.

Shizuka adds quickly, "But! There's a market tonight! We could maybe go to that together, if you don't mind."

Mukuro replies, "Yes! I mean, I'd love to do that with you, Miki-san."

Shizuka smiles, "Oh, don't call me that anymore. My given name is fine."

"Well in that case, call me Mukuro," she says, a light smile forming on her face.

Shizuka says, "I will. See you tonight, Mukuro!"

Mukuro's never heard her same sound so wonderful before. Her eyes warm, as she replies.

"See you tonight… Shizuka."

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'what to wear on a date', 'what to say on a date', 'how to go on a date', 'how romantic is a farmers market')

* * *

She smiles for the first time ever at work. Celeste shoots her a dirty look every time they make eye contact. Mukuro can only smile brighter.

Makoto beams brighter when he sees Mukuro smiling. When they have a break in the work, he mouths, ' _What happened?'_

Before she can respond, the next customer approaches, forcing her back into professional mode.

As soon as they're on break however, she tells him.

"She said yes."

Makoto blinks, "You mean Miki-san? You got a date?!"

Mukuro nods, "We're going to the market tonight."

It's not the most romantic first date, but it's going to be at least somewhat special.

"Good luck!" Makoto exclaims, "I knew you could do it."

Mukuro smiles.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'holding hands', 'first dates', 'how to put on lipstick', 'how to get lipstick off a white shirt')

* * *

When she gets home, she stands in front of the mirror, and stares. Stares at every tiny imperfection. It makes her want to scream, want to pull the skin off her face.

Junko had bought her makeup once, when they were younger. This was the first time Mukuro had ever even considered using it.

Her hands shake, as she picks up a bottle, and carefully uncaps it. She's read up on techniques, but she still has no idea how she's going to do this.

Every time she makes a tiny mark on her face, she ends up wiping it off. It's just no use, she's not cut out for this.

She was a soldier, not a model.

Eventually, Mukuro gives up on trying. There's no point in making herself look worse than before she started.

Instead, she turns to her closet. She has one nice outfit, just the one, and the last time she wore it was to a funeral.

Mukuro snorts as she pulls it out, examining the fabric. It's funny, she nearly cried the last time she wore this dress, and now she plans to wear it on what should be the happiest night she's had in awhile.

It's not like she has any other options though, so she pulls it on over her head.

By the time she's ready to go, it's almost time for her to meet Shizuka. Mukuro does one quick sweep of the apartment, ensuring that she has everything.

One small thing catches her eye, just as she passes by her window. Something small is poking out of her flower box.

Curiosity gets the better of her, and Mukuro leans her crutch against the wall, before limping outside to see. To her surprise, a small purple flower has bloomed.

After a moment of hesitation, Mukuro plucks the flower from the dirt, then drags herself back inside.

With her crutch in hand, Mukuro limps out her front door, and locks it behind her. She glances over to Shizuka's apartment, to see the woman shutting her own door.

Shizuka looks a little different than usual. Her usually loose hair is tied back, and she has a beanie on her head, as well as a pair of sunglasses.

Mukuro looks down at her own outfit, and feels plain. Still, she brushes it aside, and moves over towards Shizuka.

"Hi, Mukuro!" Shizuka greets happily, "Are you ready to go?"

Mukuro nods, "One thing, quickly."

Shizuka tilts her head, and Mukuro hands her the flower. She beams, and holds it gently in her hands.

"It's beautiful! A violet, right?"

Mukuro nods, not actually knowing what the flower was, "I would have brought you more, but it was the only thing in my garden."

Shizuka says, "I love it."

They take the elevator down to the ground floor. Shizuka chats cheerily about her day, while Mukuro adds her own quips when prompted.

It's nice, listening to Shizuka talk. She does all the hard work, and Mukuro gets to listen to her pretty voice.

Getting to the market is a bit of a hassle, due to Mukuro's injured leg, but Shizuka keeps a slow pace, and stops if she suspects Mukuro is ever falling behind. She's so grateful.

Junko wouldn't even notice and would leave her behind.

The market is alive, with people at every stand, and the streets swamped. Shizuka draws close to Mukuro, and for one moment, their fingers brush.

Mukuro blushes slightly, then steals a glance at Shizuka. She seems unaffected, but a slight tinge of pink seems to have formed on her cheeks.

She grips her crutch tightly with her right hand, then takes a risk, and grabs Shizuka's hand.

The blue haired woman tenses up beside her, but then slowly relaxes into it. A small smile forms on Mukuro's face, and the same one appears on Shizuka's.

They walk closely together, pointing at things in the distance, or whispering small things. The sun begins to set, and the sky turns a gorgeous colour. They stop to watch the oranges and yellows, smiling the whole time.

Never once do they break their grip.

It's hardly the most romantic thing in the world, but she loves it, loves this moment. It's the happiest she's been in _so long_ , and for once, everything is wonderful.

And then everything goes to hell.

One moment, Shizuka is smiling, and in the next, she's frozen stiff, her eyes wide with panic.

Mukuro whispers, "Are you okay?"

Voice trembling, Shizuka replies, "We have to go, Mukuro."

"Is something wrong?" Mukuro asks.

"Now," Shizuka says, her breathing getting shakier.

That's when Mukuro hears it. The telltale sound of a camera click.

"Run!" Shizuka cries.

Mukuro responds, "I can't!"

Shizuka turns back to look at her, something wild in her eyes. For a moment, Mukuro thinks that she's going to abandon her here, but then Shizuka runs forwards and scoops up Mukuro in her arms.

Mukuro snatches her crutch before it falls to the ground, and Shizuka takes off, running faster than Mukuro ever could have dreamed of.

In Fenrir, she'd run until she collapsed, but Shizuka looks as if she'll never stop. As the sound of cameras and shouts grows louder, Shizuka increases her stride.

"Get your key out!" Shizuka shouts, as they tear inside their complex. Mukuro fumbles for it, but her hands close around the small metal object.

Shizuka runs up the stairs, as if she's a machine. Mukuro bounces around in her arms, but stays mostly snug.

When they reach the fourth floor, Mukuro pulls out her key, and as soon as they approach her door, she jams it in the lock.

Just as they get inside and close the door, Mukuro hears the footsteps approaching, and the cameras clicking.

Shizuka puts Mukuro down carefully, then locks the door, her hands shaking.

"Shizuka?" Mukuro says gently, "Are you going to be okay?"

Shizuka shrugs, "That depends."

"On what?"

"If they caught me."

Mukuro frowns. Is the media that obsessed with an idol that got out of the industry years ago?

A scratching noise catches her attention, and Mukuro glances towards her sliding door. Momoka is sitting outside, a confused look on her face.

Mukuro steps over, and opens the door. She scoops Momoka up in her free hand, then limps back over to where Shizuka is standing.

"Here."

Mukuro hands the cat to Shizuka, who's breathing instantly eases. She cuddles the cat in her arms, while Momoka purrs gently.

Shizuka coos, "You're so heavy, Momo-chan. Have you been pigging out when I'm not home?"

Mukuro's mind flashes to the quickly diminishing bags of cat treats in her cupboard.

 _Sorry._

A bang on the door startles both of them, and Momoka leaps out of Shizuka's arms.

The clatter gets louder, and both freeze.

 _Why is the paparazzi so obsessed with her?_

An unfamiliar voice whispers, "Come out come out wherever you are…"

Neither of them dare to even breath, not until the sound of footsteps leads away from the door.

Mukuro murmurs, "You're not safe here."

Shizuka swallows, "I can't just leave you here. It wouldn't be right."

"You need to get back to your apartment," Mukuro replies, "I can't just keep your here."

Shizuka crosses her arms, "It's not like we can get outside at the moment, anyways. Besides, I'd feel awful if I just-"

She breaks off, a buzzing noise coming from her pocket. She reaches in, and pulls out her phone.

Mukuro waits, then says, "Everything okay?"

Shizuka doesn't respond, but her face goes pale. She taps something on her screen, and bites her lip, her breathing getting ragged.

Mukuro reaches out an arm, "Shizuka!"

Shizuka stares down at her phone screen, shaking like a leaf. She looks up at Mukuro, eyes wild, "I have to go."

Mukuro blinks, "You just said-"

Shizuka shakes her head, "No, I have to go! Mukuro, you're not safe, I already… I'm so sorry…"

Her words seem scattered, and her hands continue to shake.

Mukuro gently puts a hand on her shoulder, "Shizuka, please calm down. It's going to be-"

"No!"

Shizuka scoops Momoka up off the ground, and the cat makes an indignant noise.

Mukuro says, "Please, it's-"

Shizuka shakes her head, "I'm so, so sorry, Mukuro. I ruined everything for you."

She hesitates a moment, then kisses Mukuro lightly on the lips. Then before she can respond, Shizuka runs towards the sliding glass door.

By the time Mukuro registers this, Shizuka's already outside. She limps over as best she can, but as soon as she gets outside, Shizuka has already leaped onto her balcony.

"Shizuka!" Mukuro calls, but she doesn't get a response. Instead, Shizuka runs back inside, and slams her sliding door shut.

Mukuro stares at the balcony in silence, before limping back inside, and collapses on her couch. There are still footsteps outside, and she realizes that the paparazzi has no intention of leaving until they get what they want.

She sits for a couple minutes, agonizing over what to do, when her phone lights up. She clicks it open, not particularly interested.

 **Junko-chan:** holy shit muku-chan

 **Junko-chan:** what have you done

Mukuro looks at the texts, and frowns. As far as she knows, she hasn't done anything.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I haven't done anything…

 **Junko-chan:** don't fucking lie to me!

 **Junko-chan:** _[Attachment: 1 Image]_ this is you, isn't it?

Mukuro opens the image, then frowns. Sure enough, there is a slightly blurry picture of her, smiling. She can see just a bit of Shizuka's hair off to the side, and Mukuro shivers.

 _Did the media take that while we were unaware?_

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:**...Yes that is me.

 **Junko-chan:** oh shit

 **Junko-chan:** muku-chan do you have any idea what you've done

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Shizuka got cornered while we were out. I don't know why they're so interested in her.

 **Junko-chan:** what? you're calling her that?

 **Junko-chan:** jfc that means she's calling u mukuro

Mukuro swallows, an uneasy feeling forming in her stomach. Junko's texts are sounding more and more frantic, like she's just discovered something terrible.

 **Junko-chan:** You have been fooled. Scammed. Conned.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I'm sorry?

 **Junko-chan:** It is to be expected to someone of your intellect. She told you her name was Shizuka Miki, correct?

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** That is her name.

 **Junko-chan:** oh dear.

The next text Junko sends appears to be a link to some celebrity gossip sight. Out of morbid curiosity, Mukuro taps on it.

The page loads quickly, and sure enough, the headline picture is the photo of her and Shizuka, holding hands and walking in the market.

She scrolls down, and looks at the article, her throat tightening.

 **Sayaka Maizono spotted in town, with a total stranger! Is our idol making a new best friend?**

It takes a moment before it hits her.

Before it hits her that she knows nothing about the person that she's given everything.

Mukuro drops her phone, and stares blankly up at the ceiling.

 _She lied to me._

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'sayaka maizono', 'shizuka miki', 'kyoto obituaries', 'i've been lied to', 'but i think i still love her')

* * *

Shizuka Miki was a 78 year old retired construction worker who died in a car crash eight months ago.

Her name was taken by a pop idol. That same idol moved into a Kyoto apartment complex, under that name.

The pop idol deceived a recently discharged soldier, who was completely out of touch with the media.

And then she was found out.

Her name was Sayaka Maizono, and she lied. Lied to the person who gave away everything.

And yet the soldier has forgiven her.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'i still love her')

* * *

She lies on the couch for hours.

Everything is wrong.

As much as Mukuro wants to scream, wants to cry, wants to hate, she simply stares in silence.

She should hate Sayaka. She should hate the woman who deceived her.

But she can't make herself.

The B-List celebrity with skin like a doll is the same person she fell so badly for. Mukuro wants so badly, wants to watch herself burn away, but she can't even get up.

Eventually, she reaches for her phone. She needs to talk to someone, she needs advice.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Naegi-kun.

 **Naegi-kun:** how did it go?

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** She lied to me.

 **Naegi-kun:**?

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I can't really explain it, but she lied to me. She ran off and I don't know what to do.

 **Naegi-kun:** doesn't sound good. did the date go badly?

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Sort of. It was good, but then something… happened.

Mukuro sighs. She can't keep Sayaka's secret without sounding vague. She wants to protect what's left of the idol's privacy, but it's not going well.

 **Naegi-kun:** so did you fight with her?

 **Naegi-kun:** like after whatever happened

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** No, we got back to my apartment, then she freaked out and ran off.

 **Naegi-kun:** hm.

Part of her wants to tell Makoto to stop trying, but he's so devoted to helping, that she can't bring herself to shut him down.

 **Naegi-kun:** got it!

 **Naegi-kun:** write her a letter

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** A letter?

 **Naegi-kun:** yes! write out all of your feelings

 **Naegi-kun:** tell her exactly how you feel, how much you hate her.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:**...But I don't hate her.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** I still love her.

 **Naegi-kun:** then tell her that instead! i believe in you, ikusaba-san!

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Thank you.

 _I don't want to lose her…_

So now she has no choice but to try.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'how to write a love letter', 'how to apologize for something i didn't actually do')

* * *

 _Dear (Shizuka) Sayaka,_

 _I want to start off by apologizing, (even though I didn't do anything wrong) because I think this is my fault. I saw the gossip article, and I (am astounded shocked horrified) don't really know what to say. I'm sorry, I exposed you to the media._

 _I (don't think you'll forgive me want to beg for your forgiveness) can't really make a statement right now, but I do want to tell you something._

 _I (love you like you am terrified of losing you want to spent the rest of my life with you) truly care about you. Just getting to know has been such a wonderful adventure for me. I didn't mean to scare you off._

 _I'm sorry that I pushed you to go out with me. I shouldn't have overstepped my bounds._

 _(I fell so badly for you and I never stopped to consider my actions.)_

 _(I shouldn't have been so quick to assume you could safely do this.)_

 _(I endangered you.)_

 _(Please forgive me.)_

 _I would do anything now, if it meant that you wouldn't leave me. Meeting you was one of the best things to ever happen to me, and (I'd rather die than) throwing it away is someone I want to avoid._

 _I have to say it, I really do love you, (Sayaka) Shizuka. And I would do anything if you would listen to me._

 _(Please don't hate me I'm so afraid.)_

 _My best regards,_

 _Mukuro_

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'how to make things better')

* * *

She leaves the letter in an envelope on Sayaka's porch, held down by a rock. Just before she limps back inside, Mukuro plucks a flower from her garden, and places it under the rock as well.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'waiting')

* * *

It has been exactly one week since she's seen Sayaka. It has also been nearly a week since Mukuro wrote that letter. So far, she's gotten no response. In fact, she only knows that Sayaka is still around, because Momoka still comes to visit every morning. She wonders, and she fears. Does Sayaka hate her? Or… is she afraid too?

The paparazzi surrounding her door had ceased after a couple of hours on that first night, They had tried crowding outside her complex, harassing Mukuro every time she left to go to work. Every time, they would ask invasive questions about her relationship with Sayaka, and every time Mukuro would answer with a steady, "No comment."

Junko has been calling her nonstop, complaining that her 'no name sister' has been getting way more media attention than the model herself. Mukuro never picks up the phone, but she listens to each and every voicemail that Junko leaves.

She spends her spare time cooped up in her apartment, trying not to lose her mind over all this. She poured her heart and soul into that letter, and now she's doing everything she can not to regret it.

Makoto texts her words of encouragement, but even that isn't enough to ease Mukuro's fears. At least she has someone on her side, she reasons, so even if Sayaka never speaks to her ever again, she won't be alone.

Sometimes she lies awake at night, crying, and silently begging the world to take mercy on her. Other times, she simply stares at her wall, unable to muster any emotions at all. Being with Sayaka helped her feel like a real person. Now she feels faker than ever.

She seems to be doing better sometimes. Perhaps it is Makoto's presence in her life. Truthfully, Mukuro doesn't know what she'd do if she had never seen that bright smiling boy that day.

So when she's scrolling through the web one evening, and her phone lights up, she reaches over, ready to type a response, when she freezes.

 **Naegi-kun:** any word on Miki-san?

Mukuro keeps forgetting that she hasn't told him Sayaka's real name. Though what's more surprising, is that he hasn't seen the gossip article.

 _Perhaps he's not very media oriented..._

Either way, now doesn't seem like the time for that. She quickly types something back.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Nothing. I'm starting to give up on her.

 **Naegi-kun:** don't do that!

Mukuro blinks.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Why?

 **Naegi-kun:** you can't give up on true love

 **Naegi-kun:** at least try, Ikusaba-san!

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** What am I supposed to do?

 **Naegi-kun:** go see her, obviously!

Mukuro stares silently at her phone. She can't just go see Sayaka, that's impossible. She's not the kind of person who can just get up and take initiative. The letter was one thing. It was indirect, and it might not have even reached her. But she can't just hide away either.

She has to at least try to listen to Makoto.

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** What if she doesn't want to see me? What if I try to talk to her and she tells me to leave?

 **Naegi-kun:** what are you saying? of course she wants to see you! she's probably just shy or something

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** You really think she would want to see me?

 **Naegi-kun:** yes!

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** Then what should I do? I can't just show up without a plan.

 **Naegi-kun:** ok ur gonna dress yourself up really cute and ur gonna go over and talk to her and impress her

 **Naegi-kun:** talk about all ur feelings and she'll be swooning for you! i'm sure of it

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** …I'll give it a shot.

She clicks off her phone with a sigh, and leans back in her chair. If she's really going to do this, then she has to do it right.

Unfortunately, all her clothes are the same, except for the one dress she owns. The last two times she wore it, the day ended in disaster. Mukuro settles for making her hair and face look semi decent, and smoothing the wrinkles out of her skirt the best she can.

She's not satisfied when she's done, but she snaps a picture and sends it to Makoto anyway

 **Mukuro Ikusaba:** _[Attachment: 1 Image]_ How does this look?

 **Naegi-kun:** perfect! go get her!

With a shaky breath, Mukuro slips her phone into her pocket, and stands up. She limps best she can towards the door, and puts her hand on the handle, when there's a sharp rap from the other side.

Mukuro takes a moment, then opens it. Her heart nearly pops out of her chest, and her breath freezes.

Shizuka - no, _Sayaka,_ she reminds herself - is standing outside with a small sad smile on her face.

It's a different smile than the one she usually has. Normally, it can light up even the darkest places, but now it looks like she's trying not to cry.

They stare in silence for a few moments, before Sayaka says, "I got your letter."

Mukuro swallows, "O-Oh?"

She holds it up in one hand, the envelope ripped open, "Do you mean what you wrote in it?"

Mukuro nods, "Every word."

A tear slips out of Sayaka's eye, and she forces a smile, "I feel the same."

She wants to smile, but something is wrong. Sayaka is _crying_ so it can't be okay.

"What's going on?" Mukuro asks, unable to stop herself.

Sayaka bites her lip, then says, "I'm moving."

Mukuro blinks, "W-Why?"

A sad smile finds its way back onto Sayaka's face, "Well, Shizuka Miki has just gotten a new job in Asahi, so she's gotta get out of this town and find a new apartment," she drops her voice, leans in, and says, "But Sayaka Maizono is leaving to protect you."

Mukuro feels her breath hitch, "I don't need protection, Shi- Sayaka."

Sayaka closes her eyes, "You saw what happened as well as I did. The media won't leave you alone, unless I go far far away from you."

"I don't care!" Mukuro cries, "I don't care what they say or do, Sayaka, please!"

"It's too late to stop me," Sayaka says, "My manager is already having us relocate. And… I've spent the past week packing. I can't stay, not after that."

Mukuro falls silent, words forming in her brain but not reaching her mouth.

Sayaka says, "Don't worry. It'll all clear up, and this whole mess will be nothing but recent history."

The whole point of history is that it isn't recent, but Mukuro can't bring herself to say that. She also can't just let herself be a part of Sayaka's past.

Without thinking, she says, "I'll go with you."

Sayaka blinks, caught off guard, but Mukuro keeps going, heat rising to her face, "I'll pack up everything I have, and I'll go with you. I don't care what the media thinks, and I don't really know how we can do this but… I won't let you go alone."

She can see tears forming in Sayaka's eyes, and she pushes forwards, "We might not know each other too well, but I'll do anything, because I want to know you, I want to be with you, and I don't want to lose you. Sure it'll be difficult, but-"

Mukuro breaks off, Sayaka having lunged forwards to hug her. The blue haired idol is crying, and Mukuro can feel tears welling in her own eyes as well.

Sayaka releases her, and breathes, "Do you really mean all that?"

Mukuro nods, and Sayaka's sad smile turns into something so warm that she can't help but smile as well.

Sayaka says gently, "It'll be difficult… I signed a contract when I first began working, one that said I could never date anyone. It's to keep me looking more desirable to my fans."

Mukuro screws up her face, "That's awful. Are you held to that?"

Sayaka nods, "I am… But we could do it. It would have to be a secret, the best kept secret of all."

Mukuro smiles, "I'd love to be your secret."

Sayaka grabs her hands, and then in a matter of seconds, she's pressing a kiss to Mukuro's lips. Mukuro kisses her back, yearning so badly to feel this, never ever wanting to break free of this ecstasy.

They back slowly into the apartment, and Sayaka kicks the door shut. They're moving everywhere, and when Mukuro's leg begins to give out, Sayaka picks her up, and smiles.

Everything is warm, Mukuro thinks, as Sayaka carries her. Everything is warm, and safe, and it's going to be okay, as long as they can work through their emotions.

Sayaka's kissing gets more aggressive, and Mukuro topples onto her bed, Sayaka on top of her.

They're going to make it, they just have to try.

* * *

(Mukuro's recent search history: 'apartments in asahi', 'job openings in asahi', 'romantic things to do in asahi', 'how do i introduce my girlfriend to my sister')

* * *

(Sayaka's recent search history: 'apartments in asahi', 'ways to surprise your partner', 'jewelers in asahi', 'places to hide engagement rings')


End file.
